LITTLE SUNSHINE
There are nights when you do not know what to do, you get bored even having to think of any possible distraction, so you stay comfortable and increasingly apathetic to your sofa .. well .. that night was an evening of these ...
On television there was absolutely nothing to see, the fatigue was too great to be able to put on the books, and, therefore, I willingly accepted the invitation of a boy to go out .. actually, I did not care much that appointment, he was the only golden opportunity to be able to smoke the beloved cigarette, too prohibited between the four walls, that bad habit you have to hide the eyes family ..
And so I start to get dressed without the least care about what to wear and how to wear makeup, I only wanted the cigarette, the rest was devoid of any interest on my part ..
Before leaving, I go to my mother saying she would return soon, from there to thirty minutes, up to an hour .. well .. how long it takes, basically, to smoke a cigarette?!
begin to reach the meeting place, more and more listless .. I introduce myself in front of the cinema, as planned, and wait for a guy who had never seen before, and that did not interest me to know at that moment ..
recently ended an affair, and, moreover, quite sharp and painful, you do not have the slightest desire to make new "knowledge" .. It is lonely in their pain or what's left of it ..
At that moment I did not see anyone, maybe because for me it was as if all were evanescent, without body or soul, just like the person who gave you the feeling wounded and put out your smile, impassible, impassive as always, I tried that look strange, that I did not care to reveal ..
The secret, however, that face has been hidden for a short while, I scan the blue car that was given to me, and, approaching me, I lower my head to see what kind of person I expected: the only important thing was that it was a guy who, apparently, was to inspire a minimum of trust and did not look like one of those desperate people in the obsessive search for any form of women's lives.
And therefore I get in the car, without embarrassment or thoughts while driving him, begins to talk about this and that, and I stopped to look at those eyes, that right now they hit me unexpectedly, in metaphorical terms, I would have immediately established him as a ray of sun from the eyes of a cloud, I did not understand, however, whether past or hiding tears so much if they were filled to bursting at any moment ..
And that little ray of sunshine was brilliant especially on a night made even darker by comparison with her smile.
I could not stop and look, and cover it .. it was as if I tried something in him that I knew was there, but I could not find, like I was looking at him all that other m'avevano removed and she wanted me back, it was as if I tried in those eyes so sad, the sadness of my own, in a reflection that magnifies even more anything.
And staring in her, I reflected on his words struck me pleasantly that he could face any kind of argument, ranging widely, and I, meanwhile, leave him to his words to fly elsewhere, always with the fixed idea of \u200b\u200bwhat they find in him I could not find ..
At one point, however, he leaves me in silence, I can not play with my usual dexterity, they are still too distracted by my intent to be able to focus me otherwise .. seems distant, distant, elusive ..
He, however, he shakes himself, once, twice, and closed me in his arms and the silence on our lips, and there I found what I was looking for, that sweetness that too often took too bitter nuances that they can send him down .. but I found that my own unexpressed and inexpressible sweetness, stifled by too many misunderstandings ..
And there were no more than the usual thoughts, nor the satisfaction of those who found his America, it was the nostalgia of what was lost, he was going to find themselves in that kiss, and then not disappear anymore.
That same nostalgia is not dead on the lips, but that's where she cried her strong presence.
And when your new ray of sunshine warms you to the new body and mind, would you leave everything to him, a gift that fills you with joy in giving and receiving that combines two roads, which, until then, ran parallel, without knowing each other.
that ray of sunshine, however, could do to burn out a body so frozen as it was mine, which remained defenseless, without touching any pleasure, but just skimming through your fingers one thousand fantasies.
I leave, therefore, the imagination of the mind and body at the end of the evening, and I do her home, while the car is, your thoughts still run faster, but so hard that I could not even stop them, to understand where if they are going.
You arrive at the front door closes and another kiss, an evening that had the reflexes of a new sun.
No time to go home and tidy up all those events so tender that prevent you from breathing, no time to think about whether what you experienced is the same as you warned that he too, no time to hope that you send a message Page to thank you for a lovely evening, that the message arrives, and with it, hope to see you again soon.
There the breath you hold even more, and then melted into a sigh, which still haunt the memories of those moments just lived.
Try to lean on your bed, but you already know that we can not close your eyes, now found themselves in the sadness of his people, and they feel lost and confused in a way far more too unknown ..
know very well that night your sleep will be pampered by a thousand dreams, because there is only one, which keeps the mind awake touched by too much light in order to shut down with the darkness of your room.
and spend sleepless night, still wondering if it was real or not all that was the day before, trying to remember everything in detail, for fear of losing the 'essence, and above all, hope, and I just hope that ray of sunshine does not get lost in the infinity of the sky, but will soon return from your lawn boundless, to seize the little flower, which is all you have to offer.
The radius, therefore, does not fade with the power of the sun, you look again and still wants to seeing you again, that the light now, well you had forgotten.
Another time, the evening brings the splendor of that your little ray of sunshine, so nice to see that your eyes are full of him, so sweet to leave everything to his arms, that not only hold you, but those who let him go free your mind, more and more elusive, more uncontrollable, more and more his ..
And this time, however, the light meets the dark and creates colors never imagined before, the body no longer feels the cold of the past absences, no longer feels dirtied by people too wrong at that moment, at that precise moment, the emotion was clear what was to bring as a new skin, away from everything and everyone .. and the cold of fear gives way to the warmth of your little ray of sunshine which, in the palpitation of the heart, makes you rediscover a glimmer of life.
and the embrace Next, feel the pulse remains strong passion just vanished, plays those words that do not find meaning elsewhere, and most importantly, finally feeling the heat back on new hopes.
But new memories often do not have the strength of past and are subject to their supremacy, everything you've just experienced it seem too good to be able look good, and this is to absurdity, a perplexed and hesitant.
You realize, however, immediately after, that moment is not to upset your feelings, but those earlier, and even those who ever lived, you reopen wounds still not healed, and pain resurfaces slowly becoming more difficult to bear.
And then, the new memory is stained with the past, that person's too bad, that makes you fall into error and suffering, lost more total, so you land, for a moment in the dark, and there is just too dark to recognize your little ray of sunshine.
Your sadness in his eyes he sees himself more, he discovers only in those tears who can not stay in those eyes, like loads in storm clouds, do not you find yourself in arms over new and unexpected hope.
gives you the illusion that suffering only to suffocate in the memory and drive them right through that river of tears, which has no sea in which escape and remains locked in the cage too many memories, too much pain , too many disappointments.
And so, you become a black cloud, blacker than ever, ready at any time to establish his own suffering, to let go off her tears .. and your little ray sun?
He even knows that your reality, I do not see all this darkness, shines its own light and do not know whether ignorance or selfishness .. you know that it is only a small window of fresh air that could be cleaned up old wounds.
You can not, however, deal with it the old ghosts, especially when it comes to people who have only the name of human, your stay in this new being, in this hesitation and suffering, you are surprised and concerned at the same time.
do not recognize you more, no longer even know who you are, but you know what you want, be alone and be you and you only light and darkness, happiness and suffering, good and evil, not want nobody, because nobody can afford to lose.
Haunts, however, your sad eyes of those in your little ray of sunshine, and rediscover its call, in your talks, what can still be nice to have a feeling that makes you tramp thoughts.
've just one problem, and one only: you feel empty, that bastard first you stole all the dreams, hopes, illusions .. you is not nothing left, even the desire to get all this, so, what you could ever offer you, so bare?
He tried to address the issue from recurring in front of you and your little ray of sunshine, and every time you feel more beautiful, so much so that you could burn in fix too .. and the scent you seems more and more intense, you have left in your mind, before fingers.
This time, however, you see what you were looking for in your little ray of sunshine, the shadows so strong that light can not hide, but you too bishop to stop elsewhere for that appearance.
He begins to speak, to tell you about him and you realize how that smile could deny those eyes so sad, that immediately struck t'avevano, you will resent him in any pain His memory is as if he felt tears between words.
And the thing that amazes you most is to find out what the ray of sun shine on his own, because they have never known someone who illuminate it, indeed, but, and you realize even more of a body of your empty, stripped of all emotion, abandoned to the distrust, the inability of reason to give up something, after all, has never known.
It seems a soul to help you, would you run to him at once, and hold you to give him, if only for a moment, the feeling of real life, you rediscover life, gaiety surprise, because you're all that he has never seen or touched by hand .. never tasted real emotion.
Would you, would you be able to help, but you can not, because You got stolen also available to others, you never left alone, so do not go to meet him, but leave to him the opportunity to save themselves, to to get out of that ignorance, which does not allow you to grasp the meaning of life and life itself.
Let him his chance of salvation, because you can not exist without life, only to get close to you, read it in your eyes, just like you had done in the first moment when the 'you've seen.
did not say any words, do not try to convince him of anything, because I would not even interest to persuade people that, deep down, I can not have, because my heart is too empty, now, to be able to fill another void.
can fill her with a little 'of life that can steal from me; rubami, then, all that lies between my poetic silence, all the joy that is revealed in my smile, you laugh of my own laughter, satisfied the desire of life that makes you feel really alive.
I can give you protection that no wall can hold you, I can make you feel special through one simple, you can surround themselves with my ever-present presence, I can let you know that your life is not life, that knows no emotion, I can teach you to love and understand what it means to be loved, I can teach you the meaning of silence, but I do not want to get close to you and giving you all this, I want you to feel inside of you that need to discover unfulfilled life.
It may be possible that I never met more than my ray of sunshine, but I am only happy that it has also come to know only a part me, and I can no longer be helpful to see something that no one had ever shown.
In the dark, my little ray of sunshine, you could find out what is the true light, the most important because it is not visible to everyone.
're away, too wrapped up in your own arms, do not really know how to laugh, you know only love in its most bleak, but who made you all this?
My little ray of sunshine, I want you to teach to see without eyes, to read in them the hidden essence of a person you would like to teach the importance of even a simple smile, what can give you true love, a sincere person, I would teach you that there is only the obvious , the rational, you would like to lose in my own folly, and in your madness, you would like to find the pleasure in life, to rediscover what is most beautiful you, I would like to teach you to make love, making you understand that you have not only a body and you are not only that, I wish you would realize that it satisfies the mind and heart, they too are hungry and they are filled with sweetness and passion, I would like to teach you how empty a body without a soul and a life without emotions.
you would like to teach this and much more, but not because I have enough experience or is it wise or prepared, I would give you only what they are, because it is only what I can offer.
Tania Pignanelli
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